I never wanted to be a sad-sack blogger. The last thing the world needs is more negativity. When I started this blog, I had hoped it could be a record of my recovery. I must, though, write what is inside.
Having said that, I feel OK right now, somehow, even though I binged today, and binged yesterday, and binged the day before that. I feel OK because none of this means I will necessarily binge tomorrow.
I can and will take back control of my eating. In some ways, it’s as if I feel having a diagnosed eating disorder gives me a free pass to self-destruct. “I can binge,” a buried part of me thinks. “I can have the whole cake. I have binge-eating disorder, after all.” That sort of thinking isn’t going to get me anywhere. As much as I may feel I am powerless, I know I am not.
I don’t want to dwell on the binges too much. What’s done is done. What I can control is what I do next.