Shoutout to Miranda Kerr for the title. I am even considering reading that book.
Right now, I am not treasuring myself. I am treating myself poorly. I have been binging on junk food, and I haven’t exercised properly for weeks. And my room is usually messy, which is both a cause and a symptom of my general disorganisation.
A good friend arrives today to stay with me for two weeks. I am so excited. We will go to museums, and shop, and eat, and lie around in parks and drive to the country, and talk and talk and talk. Her company is good for my soul.
I am going to try to be relaxed about my weight and whatnot while she’s here. She’s a foodie, too, and together we will check out what London has to offer. I’m predicting fancy afternoon tea, good curries, perhaps some eel pie — I’ll try pretty much anything once — and cheddar cheese where it actually comes from! I won’t go silly — in fact, I’m hoping that having a constant companion will make my binging urges diminish — but I will indulge and enjoy myself.
But then, after she leaves, I am going to try to put in place a new regime of self-love. I don’t enjoy drinking the way I used to, so I think I might stop for a while. I just want to cut the crap out of my diet, basically. Ease up on the refined sugar and whatnot. Easier said than done with BED in the picture, obviously, but I will try.
I think I’ll also spring for a few sessions with a personal trainer. My depression saps me of a lot of energy, so I need help to formulate an exercise plan that won’t be exhausting for me, and that I will enjoy and be able to sustain. And I will start doing yoga and meditation, rather than just talking about them!
I want to feel strong and serene and nourished instead of sluggish, sad and weary. I hope I can get there. The old lack of self-worth means I don’t feel as though I deserve health and happiness but I know that’s just my illness talking. I must try to stop listening.