As I near the end of the sixth day of my little detox, I’m feeling good. The first few days were OK. Not particularly difficult but, as usual, I still got fatigued after eating sometimes, and sometimes just for no reason. I call these sensations “waves of tiredness”. However, I also didn’t expect to feel any different at that stage. These things take time. It just occurred to me that today I was on my feet all day shopping, and I felt really good. I feel good now, too. There was a little wave of tiredness after my dinner-pudding-thing, but it was short.
I am actually really enjoying eating this way. I’ve pumped up my vegetable intake by a lot, and I’m trying to incorporate “good” fats and protein into every meal. And I’m obsessed anew with coconut flour. To get ready for the detox, I stocked up on whole-food goodies such as organic olive oil, chia seeds, raw nuts, free-range eggs, hazelnut milk, almond butter and kale, which was nice. And it’s easy — when I’m hungry, I eat. No calorie counting, either. It does take a bit of prep to eat this way but I’m fortunate in that I can afford the time right now and, anyway, I love cooking. Researching recipes and going through health-food blogs is also fun. This exercise has let my inner nutrition nerd come out to play.
I’ve had a few almost-slips. At a bar, a friend wanted to buy me a drink. I nearly caved and ordered a glass of wine, but went with soda and fresh lime instead, as I’d intended. There was another hairy moment at a discount store checkout. I spied sugar-free cookies and liquorice and all sorts of sweets. But I resisted, and instead treated myself to some detox and nettle teas, which I had wanted to try. Then last night I stole a few of my friends’ chips at a burger joint. But I had a salad while everyone else was eating burgers! That’s basically heroic. I’ll allow myself some chips.
Thinking about it, I’ve realised that I am happy now because I am giving myself permission to try to eat well. Rather than throwing my hands up and just eating whatever garbage I feel like because I’m a binge eater and there’s no use trying to “be good”, I am making my health a priority, and that feels great. And I don’t feel restricted. It’s not like Dukan, which made me crazy. It’s actually enjoyable, and challenging in a good way. After 10 days I will incorporate fruit into my diet, and I’ll assess the other components that I’ve omitted. It’d be nice to be grain, dairy, alcohol and refined-sugar-free for 21 days or something, so I can really give myself time to find out how I feel. (Except… I really miss cheese. I do adore cheese.)
I’m also pleased that I haven’t binged in a while. I have no illusions about my disorder. I’m not “cured”. As soon as I can write again, I will start the Overcoming Binge Eating program, and finish it, because I need to. But in the meantime, this is working for me.