Truth laid bare

I have a relative who is an addict. I was sympathetic but I never used to understand the addiction; I was glad I did not share it.

I have now been so depressed for so long that my mind has become a low-serotonin landscape. I use food to give myself an injection of feel-good hormones, even though it is ultimately damaging. I use food as a drug. I’d suspected as much, and a new BED book I’m reading has confirmed it.

The way I see it, normal people are helium balloons. Things might get them down, but they naturally float back up. I, however, am a balloon filled with regular breath. Things might lift me up, but I always drift back down.

I am a lot like my relative. Same inferiority complex; similar feeling of almost having given up.

I always wanted this person to fight their disordered thinking, slay their demons and start to believe in themselves. But how can I expect that of them when I cannot do it myself?

What happens when you don’t believe in yourself? What happens then?

I just wolfed down an overpriced lemon crepe in about two minutes flat. I never used to understand my relative’s addiction,  but I understand it now.


2 thoughts on “Truth laid bare

    1. Thanks Kristen 🙂 And you’re so right. I feel exactly the same way. I can see, plain as day, why I do what I do. But I’m sure we can use our insight to our advantage, we just don’t know how yet! I hesitate to get too far ahead of myself but there have been a few developments in my life in the past few days that make me hopeful. A blog post is imminent!

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