I give in

Again, I give in.
It is a Monday night. I am walking home from drinks after choir, which finished late. I had a small dinner so I am hungry. I buy a salt-beef bagel. I eat half of it, which is a compromise. I tell myself I am trying to focus on looking after myself, not losing weight, but really I am trying to lose weight.
On the train platform I relent, and unwrap and eat the rest of the bagel. There are jelly snakes and fruit sticks in my bedroom. I know I will eat them when I get home. And I do — about 10 snakes and three fruit sticks. Hello, unnecessary sugar. Hello, failure. Hello, self-loathing.
It was overeating, not binging, but it will still make me fatter. I am so unhappy.


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