I’m feeling a bit foody. Because I’m tired? Because I am sick of my fat thighs? Because I’m tired of “being good”?
I’m trying to treat myself really well. I have eaten so many vegetables this week and cooked some lovely meals. But I’m not “being good”, I am merely eating mindfully and trying to nourish myself. There is no “good”, just like there is no “bad”. I am not on a diet; this is how I live now. By rinsing and repeating every day, it will come to feel increasingly natural. I hope!
I have meditated every day this year so far. And I am riding my bike again. It feels good to take care of myself. But sometimes I get the urge to blow it all off and eat. Turn my own sword against myself. The thing is, though, that would be an irrational response. It would not help things, and it would make me sad. It would make my chubby thighs more chubby, although that’s the least of my worries.
I just need to focus on something else. These urges usually go away. And I need to find an activity that gives me a comparable release in a healthy way. I think it’s singing, my favourite thing to do. I start an eight-week intensive vocal course on January 3o. I’m so excited. It can’t come quickly enough.